Here’s what happens when you don’t start your day with a nutritious breakfast.

Products for 1st world problems. Cause wrapping potatoes in foil yourself is juat way too difficult.

This is normal right?.

When people say “Hate is such a strong word” I remind them it was created to hate people who whine about how strong a word it is.

Dear People of Earth,

Happy Valentines day, I know some of you are single but in any case here’s some suggestions to get through this day.

Guys: Get some pussy. I’m saying, it’s out there. It’s not as difficult to get as you think it is, and I don’t mean rape or pay for it. I mean, paying for it is fine. Just make sure you’re the first one of the day cause that hole’s gonna be occupied alot. Double stuffed even.

Gals: Come on, you’ve got a vagina. Getting access to a mule is really easy. I mean if guys woke up with a twat one morning, do you know how over used it would be by 12 noon?. Ladies, even the butterface ones. You’ve got the keyslot to the kingdom. If you just want to get laid, go for it.

Gays:…come on, you really don’t need advice from me. If you’re gay & can’t get laid just quit gay now. You’re hopeless. The whole concept of gay is getting laid, and often. This is like a fat guy not gorging on white castle. He just knows how, doesn’t really need help..or napkins for that matter.

Asexuals:….reading’s nice.

That’s all the advice I have to give for now. If you need to know anything else feel free to hit me on FB (https://www.facebook.com/LaMottJackson)

The only thing I liked about that horrible “Psycho”* remake is that I can almost see Anne Heche’s unbleached asshole when she’s killed. Made my mouth water. Thanks Gus! ;)

*Screen capture Image totally stolen from Universal Pictures.

So on my way to work I stop at McDonalds to get my lunch (Yeah, I know that’s the last place I should be eating I GET IT. There’s a middle finger in the next blog post for you to read ok?). In front of me on line is a tall, at least 6ft 2in person. Besides the height I notice a rather large pair of titties. Like size E’s. Now titties will likely get any guy’s attention, no doubt. But something was oddly out of place with these.

While this is going on friends of this person, four apparently very loud’ cackling negro males were waiting at a table, making sure EVERYONE KNEW THAT THEY WERE GAY! (WE GET IT, NOW LOWER YOUR VOICES PLEASE!!)

After this person is done giving his order (yes, he) abruptly turns and brushes his tits on me, just below my shoulder, then says (with what I heard was a rather deep voice) “oh, sorry”.

I simply responded (with an even deeper voice)”That’s ok dude”. Now,if this was a movie the obligatory ‘RECORD SCRATCH’ sound would play because apparently I’m not suppose to point out that this dude is a dude.

HIM: ‘Scuse me?
ME: I said that’s ok dude.
HIM: Who you calling dude?.
ME: You. Problem…sir?.

This then started the “oh no he didn’t” act where he’s suppose to be insulted by me pointing out the obvious. His friends came over with rolling eyes & loose goose necks looking at me like I was the villain.

I wish I could have taken a picture of this freak. And I’m not calling him a freak because he chose to be transgender, it’s because he was doing it horribly. I mean come on, if you’re gonna commit to that at least do it right. Be passable. If you removed the titties from this point guard you’d have a tall skinny man, and I mean skinny, think Michael Jackson dressed up as a caricature of a dead version of himself.

Then to play this ‘game’ where you bump your titties against me so it can be all awkward. First of all, it’s a violation, as he doesn’t know if I’m in to that or not (obviously not). This is like if I went to make a deposit at the bank with my dick out, and although I’m sure this is likely to result in a ‘Nice cock’ bonus the female teller will add on top of my deposit, we can’t lose sight of the fact that this is wrong.

So, back to the fat factory, I go on to make my order, while the whole time Bone Tits McGillicutty, and the Sissy Sisters are giving me daggers from their table and saying very bad fat jokes. It’s cool though, I can take someone calling me fat, I grew up ranking or as others say “playing The Dozens”, so I’ve heard it all. Sadly, I didn’t have time to play this game with them as I had to get to work. So after getting my order I leave I walk by their table which gets silent. I lean over to Bone Tits & put my fist out for a bump and say:

ME: No hard feelings son.
HIM: Nigga Please!

Needless to say I was left hanging.

And scene.